Category Archives: Other Random Stuff

Coffee… and life… and stuff

Today, I felt the urge to blog about my new found espresso addiction.  Mochas and lattes, to be exact.  I have an on again, off again caffeine and sugar addiction.  Mostly on.  It rotates form:  energy drinks, chocolate chip cookies, espresso drinks.  Anyway…

As I started writing the post in my head, I realized:  I wanted to blog about coffee.  To the public.  Which would be fine if I was a coffee expert or coffee shop owner or something like that.  But I’m not.  My blog is about important and serious life topics, right?  Not about what I had to drink this afternoon.

Oh.  Wait.

It was a bit of a crushing realization.  It shouldn’t be.  I mean, I write all of the posts of here.  But somehow I thought I didn’t just chronicle my life and write about the mindless day to day stuff.  That’s what Twitter is for.

The truth is, I think about important life stuff all the time, but don’t write it down very often.  That’s scary.  And if I’m being really honest here… while it is important to my life, it probably isn’t that important to others.  Although, I do hope that if I write down what I am struggling with or discovering about life and myself, others will find some of it beneficial.

So, all this to say…  I found a picture of the different espresso drinks to hang in my office with all my other stuff, in case I ever get confused about what to get.  (I just recently figured out the difference between a cappuccino, latte and mocha.)  I think it looks good.

Because coffee is important in life.  Sometimes.  When your brain doesn’t function well without it.  I’ll get to other life changing posts after I finish my mocha.


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Wannabe: Event Planner

When people ask me why I am getting my MBA, I like to say it is because I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  While I say it in jest, to draw a laugh and to not have to talk about the fact that currently, I don’t actually want to get an MBA, there is a lot of truth in the statement.

The truth lies in the fact that I want to be so many things I don’t know how to choose or where to start.  On any given day if you asked me what I really wanted to be you might get a number of different responses:  yoga instructor, development economist, university professor, high-powered executive, housewife, photographer, writer, serial entrepreneur.  The list goes on.  And on.  And the problem is, there is a part of me that wants to do each and every one of those things.  Probably more importantly, a part of me thinks I could actually be any one of those things if I could just make up my damn mind and put some effort into it.

I decided a fun and interesting way to hash out some of the things I “wannabe” would be to write about them.

Today, for some random reason, I wannabe an event planner. I’m feeling creative and spatial and logistic, adding up to the need to plan an event. It’s been just at a year since I planned a real event, Moms’ 50th birthday,  which I also catered.  It was super fun and a lot of work, but mostly fun.

One thing I love about event planning, especially big events like weddings or galas, are design boards that help you visualize the concept for the event.  I also love searching out the perfect item to match that concept.  I’m not sure I would love dealing with picky, emotional people.

I thought I might create a design board since I was feeling so creative, but I got bored with it.  (So maybe I’m not cut out to be an event planner, but really its only fun when you are doing it for someone and it will have a real impact on the event, and not just to be doing it….  I digress.)  Here are a couple that I love, just for effect.  I unabashedly stole them from others on the internet.  (But I’m sure mine would be just as good.)

Bridal Buds

The Renegade Bride

Fine Stationary

If you have any weddings, showers or birthdays coming up and you need some party planning help, give me a shout.  I’ll need something to keep me busy this summer!

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Mind over Matter: Sickness

This is probably going to sound a little ridiculous. And cocky. Like I have some sort of Charlie Sheen complex. But I think it is true. And that is entirely the point.

I do not get sick. Because I am certain that I will not get sick. Who has time for that anyway? I know that I have an amazing kick ass immune system that will not allow germs or grimy, sickly critters in my system. I believe it and therefore, it is true. I will health into my life. And it works. Really. I cannot remember the last time I got the flu, or a cold, or a stomach bug. I occasionally get a scratchy throat or upset stomach, but nothing that requires down time. When bugs and viruses are invading the population I do not worry. I never get a flu shot. (I hate shots so I probably would not get one anyway.)  I eat and drink after my husband when he is sick.  It doesn’t matter.

It probably helps that I am a pretty healthy person. I eat food that is mostly good for me and try to avoid foods that are really bad, like fried foods. I practice yoga on a *kind of* regular basis. Not as often as I should or as often as I want to, for sure. My downfall is high caffeine and sugar intake in the form of energy drinks and cookies, but I justify that as legal performance enhancers which enforce my mental ability to will away sickness. So it’s all good.

There is a ton of research (and anecdotal evidence) that says your thoughts and attitudes toward things will affect the impact of those things in your life. Self-fulfilling prophecies, fake till you make it, perception is reality and all that jargon. I am a firm believer, at least when it comes to sickness.

The problem is, I do not use this tried and true method in other areas of my life.  For it to really work you have to truly, deep down, in your bones believe in yourself.  And there is not really anything else (at least nothing that matters) that I believe in so strongly I can will it into reality.

Confidence in my abilities at work?  Eh, I do okay.

Being a good writer?  I’m not too bad.

Doing well in school? Yeah, I’m pretty good at that.

Effectiveness as a yoga teacher? Sometimes… maybe.

Why is it that we have such a hard time believing in ourselves when it comes to things that matter?  While being able to will health into my life is pretty important, it would be even better to be able to will myself to be an awesome writer or beloved yoga instructor.  But I can’t.  Because deep down, I do not really believe those things about myself.

I don’t know how to change that.  I’m working on realizing that I can learn to be better, thanks in part to this article from Huffington Post on “Bright Girls” and some insight into my own personality.  If I want to be a better writer, I have to write more.  I need to try harder at work and take on new projects to expand my career possibilities.  My knowledge and skill set is not fixed, it is fluid.  So I’m learning to flow.  But it isn’t easy.  Doubt always manages to creep back in, but I keep moving forward.

Is there anything in your life that you will into being? Or will into not being, as it were?

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Back to Blogging…. maybe

This past week, I had a super fun night hanging out with some great friends and we talked some about blogs and blogging.  It made me realize how much I missed writing and I told myself I would try to find more time to get out what is in my head.  There is a lot up there, even though most of it is not likely blog worthy.

The hubs and I are diving into gardening season right now and what better opportunity to reinvigorate my blogging than to chronicle the garden this year.  I can already guarantee it will not be a full on, day by day, kind of gardening update because I just do not have the time, but it is something tangible and exciting to write about.  I know I want to capture more pictures of the process, we have never been good at photographing all the steps and the transformation from seed to food.  It really is an amazing thing to watch these tiny, tiny seeds become these vegetables that you can eat.  I am blown away every single time it happens.  So, if nothing else, expect more photos.  They may be iPhone photos and you may get 17 once a week, but you will get photos nonetheless.

As for blogging in general, my only goal is to try more often when I feel like I have things to say.  When I first started and I made the goal of writing a post a day for 14 days, I ended up with some posts that were not really worthy of being unleashed on the blogging world.  I do not want to do that this time around.  I only want to write about things that I feel are worth sharing.  So that is my plan.  We will see how it goes.

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My Absence

Dear Friends and Readers,

It has been a while since I have been here.  Almost a month.  Far, far too long.  I am uncertain of all the things that kept me from writing but I know I struggled with my lack of desire.  ultimately I think I expected too much from myself and this process.  This blog is really about my desire to write and to release.  I lost sight of that.  There was also a lot going on in my world, which overwhelmed me.  I was unsure what to write about.  But now, I am slowly working my way back into the world of writing, blogging, and sharing. 

My twitter friends gave me some great advise and insight into breaking down my mental wall and I can’t wait to try some of their ideas.  Also, May is a big month for me with so much going on.  I should have more than enough content.  If I can narrow down the topics I really need to get out and not get overwhelmed by it all. 

It all starts next week with our road trip through New Mexico.  This trip is one I have wanted to take for a long time and I could not be more excited.  Expect lots of great photography, stories, and soul-searching posts.  There is no better place to dig down deep and truly experience yourself than the great outdoors. 

Until then, dear friends.  It’s good to be back.

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After 15 straight days of blog posts, I skipped yesterday.

Today, after 17 straight days of not having an energy drink, I indulged.

Studying for the GMAT has been non-existant, even though the test is in less than two weeks.

The slacking has taken hold of me, and I must find a way to get out from under its grasp.  It is a bit like a domino affect.  Once you start slacking in one area, it becomes easier and easier to slack in other areas.  I am fully on board with the slacking.  Tonight, dinner is a frozen casserole baking in the oven.  Just open the package and cook.  That’s bad.  For me at least.

One of the reasons, or at least one of the excuses, for not posting yesterday was that I attended a yoga class after work, and it kicked my ass.  I was so exhausted when it was over, I could not believe it.  I know my home practices do not really match up with the practice I get from a class, but  I did not realize how little work I was doing.  How much I was slacking.  The past couple of practices at home had been rough which is why I went to the class in the first place.  But, boy am I not pushing myself at all when I practice at home.  At least not physically.  It took all I had to eat dinner, take a bath, and crawl into bed when I got home last night.  More slacking.

I am trying to step things up, but it is not easy.  Bear with me as I dig down deep and pull out some real, productive energy in my life.  Things will get better from here.

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Going Through the Motions

A few minutes into my home yoga practice today, the Mariah Carey song “We Belong Together” became lodged unmercilessly in my head.  Of all the songs!  I have a strong dislike of Mariah and I am not even sure the last time I heard that song in particular.  No amount of deep breathing, repetition of my meditation, or focus on the feeling of intense stretch could rid me of the tune.   I quickly became frustrated with my inability to focus, but I continued on with the poses.

Then, as I sunk down into pigeon, rested my forehead on the floor, inhaled deeply, and managed to almost fall asleep, I realized the problem.  My home practice wasn’t giving me what I needed.  It had become very routine and was not the sanctuary I was seeking.

In my pursuit of a regular, almost daily, practice of asana and meditation I lost the truth behind why I practice yoga in the first place.  Ironically, the truth of my practice is what led me to want to practice more often.  Yoga, to me, is about finding a calm, centered place inside myself.  Meditation is recent addition to my typical home asana practice, and this also is meant to help me find that place of stillness.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the physical aspect of yoga, but I am trying to take it deeper and get more out of it than a good workout.  However, the hope of finding a calm, centered, stillness on a daily basis led me to practicing yoga just for the sake of practicing, assuming I would get the benefit simply because I was doing it.  But going through the motions of yoga is most definitely not the way to find stillness within.

Home practice has always been a struggle for me, because I can never let go of my surroundings.  There is always something to distract me, even if I am the only one home and surrounded by silence.  I see things that need to be done everywhere.  Dishes need washing, the rug needs vacuuming, laundry is piling up.  The list goes on. 

If I am going to really commit to yoga on a regular basis as more than a physical work out, I have learned that I need to attend a class at least weekly.  I need the atmosphere and the energy that comes from a group class to bring home and feed from.  There is nothing like the profound effect of a room full of centered, focused yogis practicing to imbibe that feeling deep inside you.  The whole room is brimming over with a quality of peace and harmonious passion.  It is hard to explain if you have never been in a class like that because they don’t all have that quality.

This week, I get back on the true yoga wagon and stop just going through the motions at home.  I will attend a group class and I will concentrate my home practice on the truth in yoga, not simply yoga for yoga’s sake.

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