You get what you need, when you need it

It’s true. You get what you need when you need it. As a part of the Namaste Book Club, I have been reading The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron. It is all about meditation, how to do it, how to live it. I have never been much for meditation. I can’t quiet my mind. That is one of the reasons I love yoga, it gives me the opportunity to really try. But off my mat, I very rarely try. So I was slightly indifferent about the book. I read it with an open mind but mostly thought about the topics in how they would apply to my yoga practice. Until the last chapter, “The Four Reminders”. This chapter hit me square in the chest. It talked straight to my life, not my yoga practice or meditation.

I have always dealt with a bit of situational depression. When things go crappy for me, I turn inward. I delve into all my faults and everything wrong in the world, and generally just get down in the dumps. (Yes, I know a lot of people do this, but it really does border on clinical depression for me. Trust me. I know exactly what clinical depression looks like.) Eventually (sometimes a couple of days, sometimes weeks) things get better, and I am back to normal again. It has never been a huge issue in my life, I deal with it and move on. But I certainly am not a normal sad person during that time.

In “The Four Reminders” Pema talks directly about depression. She talks about the habitual things we do when bad feelings creep into our lives, about wanting to stay in bed all day with the covers over our heads. Um… yeah… that is exactly how I feel when I get down and depressed. Sometimes, I actually do stay in bed all day, or extended periods of time anyway. (Clinical depression, all the way.) Reading through the chapter, it really felt like she was talking directly to me. It felt like she had opened up my life and was dropping down these nuggets of wisdom about how to overcome the bad feelings and depression. It was truly something I had not experienced before. I had never felt like something was so directly at me as this was. I read the chapter again. And expect to read it over and over until all the little nuggets really sink in.

I should clarify that I am not in one of those everything is crap and the world sucks times of my life right now. Being newly married to the most amazing man I have ever met makes me so giddy I could scream it from rooftops. I mean really, really giddy.  But not everything in my life is so perfect. I am somewhat disillusioned or disenchanted, or dis-something with work. I just don’t know where I want to go with my career right now. And the change of the seasons to rainy, blustery, and cold always affects me a little bit. (Mix a little almost Seasonal Effective Disorder in with my almost depression.)

So yeah, every once in a while I feel like staying in bed all day. So yeah, I can really apply the stuff I have read/will continue to read in this one chapter on a daily basis. And I love that. I love that this book really did touch me. I love that sometimes, we get exactly what we need, just when we need it.

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